Some Thoughts about Romance and Marriage
Just because you are madly “in love” with someone does not necessarily mean it is a great idea to marry that person. I have been to some breath-taking places, like on top of the Goerner Grat and its awesome 360 view that includes the Matterhorn, or the top of Half Dome or Mt Dana, or looking at stunning sunsets on sandy beaches. However, as beautiful as these places are none of them are suited to grow a garden. It is easy for passion and love to ignite but marriage is about a place where love can grow, can mature, and produce a harvest year in and year out.
What is the best way to prepare for romance and marriage? Working on your own godliness and looking for godliness in the persons you consider. “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control” Galatians 5:22-23a (NIV). Just think what can grow between two people if that describes them? Replace anyone of the above with an equivalent negative and picture how that will impact romance and marriage in the long haul. What if you replace self-control with a temper or an addiction? What if you replace faithfulness with unfaithfulness, or goodness with hurtfulness or wrong doing? You maight have some exciting days on the beach, but most of the time you will be engulfed in a cold fog. We should aim higher for both ourselves and especially the other person.
I have been burning brush piles and have been reminded of a simple truth. In order for a fire to keep burning you have to both tend to it and keep giving it more fuel. This takes at least three things, attention, time, and work. If I am not willing to give those three the fire will go out. And what happens if I no longer give my marriage attention, time, and effort? Yup, things will fizzle, be reduced to a flicker, or even become a cold pile of ashes. I love watching lovers who have learned that truth and whose fire is still hot and blazing after many decades.
Words are important in a marriage. If you look at a great marriage, a blessed romance you will find words that can be trusted, kind words, encouraging words, straight forward words, healing words, together words, tender words, thoughtful words, forgiving words, funny words, beautiful words, pure words, and loving words. Words are like the barometer of a relationship. Where you find ugly words, hurtful words, dishonest words, lying words, selfish words, harsh words, bitter words, biting words, thoughtless words, grudge words, unkind words, and empty words you will find two people far from their hopes and dreams. Of course all the words that come from my lips are real, they describe me even if they fool the listener. So my words reveal who I am more than anything else. Do my words tear down or build up? Do they unleash love or resentment? Do they grow flowers or thorns? Do they bless my love (James 3)?
To God be all glory, happy Valentines, Pastor Hans