02-26-12 Tough Love

Tough Love –“… the Lord disciplines the one He loves and punishes every son (daughter) He receives. Endure ⌊suffering⌋ as discipline: God is dealing with you as sons. For what son is there that a father does not discipline? But if you are without discipline—which all receive—then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Furthermore, we had natural fathers discipline us, and we respected them. Shouldn’t we submit even more to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time based on what seemed good to them, but He does it for our benefit, so that we can share His holiness. No discipline seems enjoyable at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it yields the fruit of peace and righteousness to those who have been trained by it” Hebrews 12:6-11 (HCSB, parenthesis mine).I have a confession to make. Sometimes, as our children were growing up, I would stand outside of their bedroom doors while they were throwing a fit, or were having a pity party on the other side. And yes, sometimes I would just be cracking up at what was coming out of their little mouths, “No one loves me around here, …”“I don’t why they always tell me no, why they like all the others better than me?”“This is the worst day of my entire life!”“That’s so unfair, why am I always the one who ….?”“They all hate me! I am just invisible to them!”Of course none of it was true, Susie and I love them, we have never hated them, and we don’t have favorites (most of the time). I did tell them that “life isn’t fair,” but Susie and I have tried to treat them as fairly as we could and as was warranted. But since we did not want to raise brats we did believe in discipline, we did not and still do not belief in just giving them anything they wanted, we believe that real love knows how to say “No!”, regardless of whether or not that sets off  tantrums, comparisons, guilt trips, silent treatments, or any other kind of manipulative behaviors.Real love is tough. It knows when to say no, when to reprove, when to let go, when to oppose, when stand up, when to wait, and when not to intervene. Real love, Christlike love supports holiness not evil, it doesn’t join manipulation games, it is forthright and honest. Christlike love is tender and tough, hoping but not desperate, serving but not enabling, pleading but not insecure. It is decisive and knows how to respond to the decisions of others. It doesn’t try to erase all consequences of bad choices. It does not support someone shredding their life, but it is ready to help pick up the pieces. It is unafraid of being accused, of being misunderstood, because it surely will be and because it is anchored not in the approval of others but in God.I don’t know how often, after having my fun, I walked away from the above mentioned door and with the tantrum still going strong on the other side talked with my heavenly Father about teaching me and helping me to love like Him.To God be all glory, love you, Pastor Hans